your beauty trumped my doubt

oh hai, internet.  i feel like typing for a couple of reasons.  i have a really nice whiskey buzz going right now.  i feel exactly how i want to feel: wide awake, blushed, oddly happy.  mumford and sons are happy addition to my stagnant music collection right now, and i’m enjoying them.

i also have massive writers block.  dry is totally kicking my ass up and down the block right now.  the whole point of doing this was to make myself write, and it’s working, in that i do post an episode every week.  i feel good about some of them, but i feel terrible about others.  to me, 112 was complete shit.  and now i only have four days to write 113, building on a shitty foundation (113 is part two to 112′s part one of the operation, a multi-episode bit in season one).  i want it to be interesting.  i think four people read dry, but even that is enough to make me want to give them something good.  i’ll sit outside and smoke three cigarettes and try to come up with one good idea for the next episode.

i’ve been thinking a lot recently about how the universe is going to eventually end in heat-death, and that in only ten billion years, the universe will have expanded so quickly that we will no longer be able to see anything outside of our own galaxy (which will by then be merged with the Andromeda galaxy).  by that time, our star will be on its way to becoming a white dwarf, and will have probably gobbled up mercury, venus, mars, and earth as it becomes a white giant.  (heat death is many billion years further away than that, but it won’t matter for humans, unless we radically progress in technology.)  i can’t stop thinking about how my life is a blink of an eye vis-a-vis humanity, and how humanity is a blink on an eye vis-a-vis our own world and solar system, and how our planet has been born and will die in the blink of an eye vis-a-vis the universe.  it’s simultaneously terrifying and liberating to realize how small we really are.

anyway, i want to post more on my skeptical blog.  but dry takes priority, so i’m all –when i get dry done this week, i’ll post on “close to finding truth”!  but then i never get dry done until friday afternoon because i suck and i’m a huge procrastinator.

anyway.  it’s only six thirty.  i have like four good hours left today.  let’s get this shit going!

also, i want to have a goddam dance party that’s hot and sweaty and reeks of alcohol and cigarettes and has atypical dance music.

i miss the ghana guys.

g’day, everyone.  peace be with you.

- matthew